Effeminophobia

Both Lee and Sedgwick discuss in their essays the issue of "effeminate" boys and how they seem to be stigmatized by heterosexuals and homosexuals alike. Sedgwick discusses Friedman's view of how the "healthy homosexual" is one who is masculine. That is, a healthy homosexual is one who has not compromised his masculinity, yet he is not masculine enough to be truly "male." This preferred version of homosexuals is presented in both essays as a product of societal (in the case of the psychoanalytic book whose point was to depathologize) and cultural preferences (in the case of TV shows and ads that try to make "gay" more mainstream). Thus this denial of effeminacy, as described by Lee, is obviously complex because it is preferred in gay men by both other gay men and other straight men. Why is this?

Based on the two essays, it seems to me (though I may be wrong) that the answer lies in the ever-growing gap between gender and sexuality. People, especially those in the gay community, want to make clear the distinction between the two categories in order to increase acceptance for the idea of a man loving a man, etc. However, while the efforts to educate people on the individuality of gender and sexuality have been largely successful towards this effort, they have the opposite effect in acceptance of effeminate boys and men. This is because, by separating gender and sexuality, the idea of an effeminate boy becomes unsavory because it implies that the sexuality of a gay boy can be tied in to his so-called "feminine" traits.